When Your Partner is Hurting


When your partner is hurting, it can feel easier, safer, maybe less scary, to turn away from that hurt. To avoid it. Perhaps we don't want to feel saddened. Perhaps we think we have to fix it and that just feels too overwhelming. Perhaps your partner is hurt by you at times and you don't want to hear it because you think it means you are a bad spouse, that you are not good enough. (Why do couples fight?) However, what your partner might hear when you turn away is: you don't matter to me. I'm not here for you. Instead, the best thing to communicate is: When you are hurting, the world stops and I listen. Because you matter. We all want to feel significant in our relationships, hence the term 'significant other'. What are you communicating about your partner's significance? How can you show that they are important to you, that their feelings, thoughts, and opinions matter? (Meaning behind the behaviour)

We wish you a relationship of significance. (Couples Therapy at Repose)